Playing Soldiers
by FifteenFathomsCounting
Summary: Who is Em? Where has she come from and what is her own destiny?
1. Chapter 1

**Playing Soldiers**

_Marry me a little,_

_Love me just enough,_

_Cry but not too often,_

_Play but not too rough._

Rupert Young – Marry Me A Little

She awoke suddenly, drawing in lungful after lungful of breath, as if she had just resurfaced from the depths of a lake. For a moment she lay still on the earthy ground, tentatively feeling the edges of nearby leaves as she reassured herself she was no longer trapped in the endless black. Slowly as she began to sit up, her eyelids fluttered open and there was a moment's silence as she took in her surroundings, before she slumped back to the floor in great relief.

Above her head sat a great canopy of trees, their spidery branches stretching across the sky in an endless maze of black lines. The sky above them was devoid of colour, and as she stood up to properly examine her surroundings, brushing bits of soil and tiny flakes of dead leaves from the back of her bare legs, she began to realise that something was desperately wrong.

Though she herself was painted a multitude of colours, with purple and green bruises, her pale, slightly pink skin, and copper red hair, her surroundings were completely barren. She had expected to see great silvery trees, alive with green moss and trailing ivy. She had expected to see the bright colours of wildflowers nestled between the crooks of giant tree roots. She had expected to see a forest alive with colour.

A forest it was, though it was all devoid of colour, just like the sky above it.

Part of her wondered if she was even back home, if she was safe, so she consigned herself to following the dusty track for a short while. After a few hundred metres, a dark shape appeared in the distance, sprawled on the ground, unmoving. It was then that she realised she wasn't alone. Shouting joyfully, she began to run towards the body, hoping that they would wake and help her find her way. As she neared him, it became apparent that the man before her was a knight. He wore chainmail over a dark red tunic, and at his side lay a polished sword. Falling to her knees beside him, she felt for a pulse, wondering if he was alive.

His heart was still beating, although it was weak and he was not breathing. Remembering the little she knew about healing, she tried to revive the young man. After trying several times with no luck, she sat back on her feet and bowed her head, murmuring a small prayer for the man. A few seconds afterwards, he shot upwards, drawing in desperate breaths of air.

With a cry of surprise, she shot backwards; landing sprawled within a pile of greyish coloured bracken. The man before her stood looking about him unsmiling, before reaching down and offering her a hand and pulling her to her feet. He ran a hand through brown hair, before looking at her with an expression of sombre confusion. "What is this place?" he asked, picking up his sword from the floor and replacing it in the sheath attached to his waist by a sturdy leather belt.

"Sire," she replied, curtseying slightly "I have no idea. I think we were dead before, but we're not now… I feel _alive_ here" He nodded, understanding her feeling, before removing his red cloak and passing it to her.

"You should probably cover yourself." She looked down at her poorly clad self and blushed, accepting the cloak and swathing herself within the folds of the material, hoping that it adequately covered her undergarments.

"Thankyou Sire," She whispered, grateful for his aid.

"It is I who should be thanking you; you saved my life," he smiled "and please, call me Lancelot,"

"It was nothing, Si-Lancelot," She blushed and looked to the floor, continuing with

"So, if we're not dead, and we're definitely not alive, where are we?"

He shrugged, gesturing for her to follow him as they walked up the path. "I don't know, my guess is that we're stuck in between Life and Death."

Her face lit up, "So we could get back?"

"Perhaps."

They both looked around them, the northern end of the track ended abruptly in light and the southern, in dark. Though their conscience was begging them to walk towards the light, there was something, _not right _about it_. _When they began to near the lighter part, the silence seemed to get bigger, almost enveloping itself around them and muffling everything. She tugged on his arm and pulled them away from it, fighting against the inner pull, as it tried to entice them through to another world. The darker part seemed to unnerve them both, with the occasional terror filled screams escaping through and sending shivers down their spines.

* * *

><p>A while later, they were sat by the side of the path on a grey coloured grass verge. Lancelot was twirling a grey coloured daisy around in his fingers, looking at it thoughtfully.<p>

"Remarkable!" he marvelled at the plant, before looking around at the rest of the forest. "Remarkable!" He repeated, tucking the daisy into pocket of his tunic "Gaius would be most interested in this place,"

She looked up, interested, "Gaius?"

He chuckled fondly, "Court Physician and King Uther's greatest friend. Knows more about healing than anyone in the whole kingdom."

She smiled, "Would you tell me more?"

"Of course, my lady." He had just begun to start his story, when she held up a hand to stop him.

"Forgive me, but I've had an idea," Lancelot looked at her with an eyebrow raised, then gestured for her to continue. "What if, there's another way to get out, one that no one has ever thought of before? North and South are obvious, but what about East or West?" He looked thoughtful for a moment, before nodding.

"You're right. We should've thought of that before. Now," he continued, getting to his feet, "Which way do we go?" Beside him, she had hauled herself to her feet and stood adjusting her makeshift dress.

"Um, West?"

"West it is, my lady."

* * *

><p>After several hours of trudging through the endless forest, she and Lancelot were now good friends; he had told her much of his life before Death, and how he had become a knight in the kingdom of Camelot. Though he had done much of the talking, she had listened attentively and was awestruck at the selflessness the man had shown – giving up his own life so that the people of Camelot would be safe. He had told her of each of his friends, Merlin, Gwaine, Leon, Percival, Elyan and the Crown Prince himself, Arthur.<p>

She had yet to tell him anything about herself, though he did not push her to answer any questions. Suddenly, he stopped walking abruptly, crouching down to the floor and examining something. When he looked up, he seemed barely able to contain his smile.

"Look!" In his hand, he held a small clump of brown soil. Crumbling it up and let it fall to the floor through his fingers, he clapped her on the shoulder. "Looks like you were right-" he smiled again, "Come on, this way!"

Their new discovery sent them on their way with a spring in their step and lightened hearts. Soon, every other step brought them closer to new colours, pale green shoots of grass here and there, and the tree bark steadily started to get more and more brown the deeper they walked into the forest.

Suddenly, right ahead of them, the forest burst into colour and birdsong. Lancelot looked back over his shoulder to check she was still following, then taking her hand gently whispered "Are you ready?" then, without waiting for an answer, pulled her towards the shimmering line separating them from reality.

Then, they met blackness again.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Hey guys! I'm really sorry for the ridiculous wait - this particluar update, was, believe it or not, meant to be out on Christmas Eve, ready to be a suitable Christmas present to you all, but, sorry, I got distracted. Someone, got me addicted to Tumblr -_-**

* * *

><p><strong>Playing Soldiers <strong>

_What time is it where you are?_

_I miss you more than anything._

_Back at home you feel so far,_

_Waiting for the phone to ring._

_It's getting lonely living upside down,_

_I don't even wanna be in this town,_

_Trying to figure out the time zone's_

_Making me crazy!_

Simple Plan ft Natasha Bedingfield – Jet Lag

They awoke simultaneously, drinking in large draughts of air and lurching upright. After a moment's silence as they investigated their surroundings, they looked to each other before bursting out into relieved laughter. For a moment they sat together, still clutching hands as if they might still be cast away into the Spirit World again, before breathing deep sighs of relief and releasing their grasp on each other. As they climbed to their feet shakily, a bird erupted into song behind them and she murmured quietly, slowly comprehending for the first time. "We did it." She whispered, a smile suddenly splitting her face. "We did it! We're alive!" she laughed, amazed, embracing Lancelot in a hug.

Behind them rang out a cough and as a gruff voice called out "Sorry to break this tender moment up," the two friends leapt apart with shock. The voice continued amongst muffled chuckles, "How about a hug for your old friends?" the voice jeered. Lancelot stood silently for a moment, his hand on the hilt of his sword, before slowly turning around to face their adversaries.

There was a moment of dumbstruck silence before he leaped forward to embrace each of the knights as they threw themselves from their saddles. Each one rushed forward eagerly bearing wide smiles, clasping forearms and slapping each other on the backs by way of a welcome. Through the almost tearful laughter, the last man stepped forward. He was a young lad, dressed in the worn clothes of a serving boy and not the shining silver chainmail of a knight. She saw him approach Lancelot, slowly, almost warily, before the knight spun around and saw him.

"Merlin-" He cried joyfully, embraced him just as warmly as the other men. The boy laughed, grinning wildly, before he hugged his friend back. He shook his head wonderingly, "I never thought I'd see you again!" before laughing again. The knights were all stood nearby, smiling down fondly on their reunion, before one stepped forward to address her. "And pray tell, my Lady, just who are you?" he spoke, pressing his lips to her slender hand as he looked her up and down with a cheeky smirk. Glancing up, she locked eyes with Lancelot who had slung his arms about the shoulder of his friends and was directing them towards her. "Gwaine?" she asked, smirking as she watched the others faces fall into astonished expressions. Lancelot had told her much of his friends on their way back home and she felt confident she could tell them apart from each other.

Look, there was Lancelot's greatest friend Merlin, stood by the side of the knight, while Lancelot's arms were slung around the shoulders of Percival and Leon, each still beaming with happiness at the unexpected return of their friend, and there, there was Elyan trailing behind the others.

Lancelot came to a halt beside her, removing his arm from the broad shoulders of Percival, where it seemed to sit ungainly, and clapped his free hand on her shoulder happily. "Gwaine," he nodded, laughing slightly at his friends' expressions. Gwaine's smirk faltered for a moment as she correctly guessed his identity, but then returned with, if possible, twice the smugness it had before.

"My lady," he replied, a twinkle reflecting in his eyes, "It appears that you have heard much about me and my -" he paused slightly, "-good looks?" Behind him, his companions snorted with barely disguised laughter. As he turned around to grin unabashedly at them, she winked at them behind his back and fluttered her eyes back at him.

"Oh yes, Sir Gwaine." She nodded enthusiastically, "Lancelot here says that you are the most desired knight in all of Camelot!" There was a moment's silence.

"Really?" Gwaine mused thoughtfully

She scoffed at him, "No! He said you're the drunkest!" Amid the raucous laughter at Gwaine's expense, she stalked forward as gracefully as her makeshift dress would allow and reached out to clasp hands with the others, greeting them as warmly as she would long lost friends. Finally she reached Merlin, the young boy eyeing her up warily through his weak chuckles.

"Merlin, a pleasure to meet you I'm sure." She greeted warmly, casting her eyes sideways to make sure the others were still poking fun at Gwaine. When she was certain, she continued, urgently whispering "You have nothing to fear from me. I swear it."

Merlin nodded, suddenly accepting her hand and shaking it warmly before guiding her over to the others. Lancelot stepped forward to intercept her and grasped at her arm. "They say that we can ride with them to Camelot, but they want to speak with you first." He did not look overly grim, so she nodded silently approached the group of knights, her early confidence fading once she caught Elyan's expression. The black knight had been the least welcoming of the group and now he was stood slightly ahead of the others ready to interrogate her as they checked the horses ready for departure.

"When Gwaine asked who you were, you deflected the question quickly and easily. And not even Lancelot knows your name." He stated simply, his arms across his chest. The others finished tightening the girths of their saddles and wandered over casually, seeming unbothered. From his seat on a fallen log, Lancelot shrugged apologetically at her.

"I'm sorry I did not address that sooner, Sir Gwaine," she replied dryly "I beg of you, please accept my apologies." Gwaine upended a water skin into his mouth and waved her away, wordlessly accepting her apology.

Elyan continued, "So?"

"So..."

"Who are you?" He said, sounding frustrated.

"Right. I'm not entirely sure _who _I am," Elyan looked either unconvinced or uncaring "But, as far as I'm aware, my name is Maura-" she stared at Sir Elyan, her gaze unwavering "But, my lord, if you would like to contest that-" she stepped aside with a flourish of her hand. "By all means, do take me before the king as a prisoner." Elyan looked about ready to do as she had insisted at that point were it not for Merlin.

"Wait!" He cried, stepping in front of her to shield her from Elyan's glare. "You say you don't know who you are..." he asked her, looking confused.

"I have no memories of before waking up in the Afterlife. I don't know who I am."

Merlin turned to the others, addressing Leon as Prince Arthur's right hand man. "We should take her to Gaius." The others nodded, making sounds of agreement. Elyan scoffed

"We don't even know if she's safe! If we take her into Camelot, we'd only be taking her closer to the king! She could be an assassin sent by Cenred or Morgana – anyone!"

Lancelot leapt to her defence then. "I think she's to be trusted. She saved my life."

"But she could be a commoner! She could be bringing any number of diseases to Camelot!" Elyan protested almost futilely

Sir Leon stepped forward, silencing Elyan's argument. "The Knight's Code states that we help any in need Elyan, and I'll thank you to remember that. Peasant or not."

"Besides," Gwaine commented "If she's sick, then taking her to Gaius is only going to help."

She smiled at the two knights, thankful for their help, before Lancelot stepped forward solemnly. "Besides, she's a noble." The others looked at him oddly, until he continued, explaining. "The material of her- erm- _undergarments- _looks expensive, I'd say, silk." he said delicately

"_Wait a minute! You've seen her undergarments?" _

"Gwaine-" she began "When I woke up, my clothing had been removed-" she added at the last minute "_Not _by Lancelot you filthy man."

"And," Lancelot added, "She wears a necklace bearing a sigil of some sort. Perhaps Geoffrey of Monmouth might take a look at it at and locate the Lady Maura's family."

"Em."

"What?"

"My friends call me Em."

"Then that's that then. You shall ride to Camelot with us, Em."


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Extra points if you can pick out the reference and where it comes from!**

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><p><strong>Playing Soldiers<strong>

_We are old, we are young, we are in this together  
>Vagabonds and children, yeah, prisoners forever<br>With pulses a-raging and eyes full of wonder  
>Kicking out behind us again<em>

Vagabonds - New Model Army

People rushed to line the streets as the horses clattered up the stone streets towards the castle, craning their necks to see the knights return to Camelot. Despite her curiosity, Em had sat in a comfortable silence for most of the journey, exhausted beyond belief. The knights had been nothing but polite to her, accepting her as a friend almost instantly and had welcomed her into conversation as easily as if she was one of them. They had spoken a few words here and there, though she had soon lapsed back into her silence, content to merely listen. The sound of the forest dulled the mutter of voices as they talked and Em sat back contentedly, as birdsong erupted from the trees nearby.

As they came to a halt in the courtyard, a young man hurried down the steps to meet them, blonde hair bouncing slightly with each step he took. Em dismounted and readjusted Lancelot's cloak, hoping to make a good impression. Fiddling with her necklace for comfort, she stepped away from the horses, rejoining the knights and Merlin as they greeted the man she believed to be the Crown Prince, Arthur.

Prince Arthur had only reached the bottom step when he finally noticed Lancelot bunched together with the other knights. He froze for a moment, with one foot in mid air, calculating the situation. For a second, his hand clenched on the hilt of his sword, and his jaw twitched, untrusting. Acknowledging Sir Leon's nod of recognition and the wide grins bedecking both Gwaine and Percival's faces, he released his hand and leapt forward to envelop Lancelot in a bone crushing hug, laughing with complete disbelief. Leon turned slightly and beckoned to Em with a gloved hand, urging her to approach closer. She approached warily and glanced at Merlin for encouragement. He smiled slightly, merely a twitch of his lips and nodded carefully, barely noticeable to any of the others, but it was enough for her.

Lancelot offered an explanation, telling Prince Arthur a simplified version of the story, before leaning closer and whispering "Perhaps we should go somewhere more private, sire, people are watching..."

Arthur nodded thoughtfully, before looking Em up and down and turning to Merlin, face aghast.

"What are you doing stood there like an imbecile? Fetch Lady Maura some clothes!"

Merlin jerked suddenly, dragged out of his daydream by Arthur's harsh voice.

"Yes Sire, certainly..." He remarked dryly, rolling his eyes comically as he passed them. As Merlin hurried up the stone steps and through the heavy wooden doorway into the castle, his foot caught the edge of one of the steps, sending him pitching forward and bumping into a pretty dark-skinned girl. Her yelp of shock caught Arthur's attention and he half-turned to see what the commotion was. Arthur half groaned at Merlin's clumsiness and berated him with a shout of "_Mer_-lin!"

"Sorry! Sorry!" Merlin panted, scrambling up from the floor and dusting down the hem of her dress half heartedly. "Sorry Gwen! Sorry Gaius!"

The girl with curly black hair, apparently named Gwen, curtsied politely towards Em and the knights, before taking the arm of the elderly man beside her and aiding him down the steep steps. Merlin stepped to one side to speak to him quietly before bounding up the remaining steps in a rush.

* * *

><p>The throne room was full of people by the time Maura had been clothed in a bottle green dress. She had never been picky about dresses and wasn't about to be, but she had to admit she was pleased to be fully dressed after so long out in the chilly air. As she walked down the middle of the room to be received by the court, she wondered where the king was and why he was not there to welcome her.<p>

Curtseying slightly as she reached the head of the room, she bowed her head, listening to the material of her dress rustle and the whispers of nobles behind her. After a seconds silence, Arthur opened his mouth to speak, only to be interrupted by the dramatic slam of a door nearby. Em's head shot up, as did everyone else's, just in time to see Merlin mouth a sheepish "_Sorry." _and sidle up to Gaius.

After she explained her story fully to Arthur, the whispers trailed to a halt as the courtiers sat in a stunned silence, unsure of how to react to the revelation of the afterlife. Arthur seemed somewhat perturbed, but accepted her story, thanking her profusely for helping his trusted friend and knight.

Nearby Gwaine chuckled slightly, muttering "Not that Lancelot should need it!" earning himself a shove from the men stood either side of him. Next to him Percival snorted slightly, shoulders heaving with silent chuckles. His laughter was infectious and soon the other knights were struggling to keep their laughter under control. A stern look from Arthur only worsened their laughter and soon Gwaine had turned red, resorting to stuffing his glove in his mouth to keep from spluttering. Merlin noticed from the sidelines and nudged Gaius gesturing to the knights on the front row with a wide smile. The elderly man chuckled slightly and leaned in to speak carefully to Merlin. Apparently Lancelot's return had put everybody in high spirits. He clearly meant a lot to everyone there and suddenly she realised how much she had done for them without even thinking.

She found herself tearing up, watching the camaraderie between them, and wondering if she had ever had friends like that at home, wherever home may be. Friends who would mourn her death; friends who would, in return, die for her. Friends who would love her unconditionally like the knights loved Lancelot.

* * *

><p>The wooden bench creaked as she sat down, Gaius's hand cool against her forehead. All around her, tables and window sills and every other available surface were covered with huge tomes on human anatomy, medical equipment; giant pestles and mortars full of crushed herbs, and delicate glass vials of varying shapes and sizes, each filled with different coloured liquids and strange looking objects. Gaius was nice, she decided. She could see why Merlin liked him so much; the old man was gentle and kind and just like a father should be. As Gaius bustled around the room muttering to himself about temperatures and infections and concussions, she found herself wondering about her own father. Was he like Gaius? Did she take after him or her mother? And her mother. Was she kind and beautiful and caring? Did she sing like a lark or dance like a wood-nymph? Who was she?<p>

The more she sat in silence, the more she brooded and the more she brooded, the smaller she felt. She felt lost and alone and more than that, she had no idea who she was or even what she was really like. Yes, she knew she didn't care for dresses and that she loved to eat capon at Yuletide. Yes, she knew that her name was Maura and that she loved the smell of rain after a summer storm, but she didn't know herself. Was she kind? Was she arrogant? Was she brave or fearful? Was she loyal to her friends or was she a traitor?

Suddenly she realised, whoever or whatever she was before she forgot, it didn't matter either way, because she had changed. She knew that much. Whether she had deceived her friends or not, after today's audience with Prince Arthur, she knew she would do anything to find and keep friends who were as loyal as Arthur's knights. Whether she was arrogant or not, she could change that easily. A man can change his stars. And so could she.

Around the corner, a door slammed and Merlin came rushing down the stairs carrying a bundle with him. He glanced at Em, smiled brightly, and carried on his way, spinning in a circle to dodge Gaius as he turned around to hand Em a tiny leather pouch.

"Here, take this. Twice a day for as long as the pills last." Gaius said. "Coriander and lavender will hopefully improve your memory."

Em smiled gratefully and accepted the medicine as Gaius turned to face Merlin's rapidly retreating back, "Oh and Merlin-"

"Can't stop. I'm busy-" Merlin grinned, before letting the door slam behind him.

Gaius sighed, defeated. "Confounded boy!"

She couldn't help but chuckle.


End file.
